The Five Rules of Gym Etiquette

It’s not much to ask.

But why is it, every time I go to the gym I find myself shaking my head due to one of these gym crimes being committed…

  1. The girl who comes to Pilates, stands there by her mat talking to her gymclass-pal, and uses the loudest (and might I say, most irritatingly nasal) voice to tell said friend  the entire class about whatever it is that’s going on with her today. Normally this ranges from how she told the man in her life where to go (did he need telling?) or how she cannot decide whether to cut her fringe or not.
    One. Step. Away… from walking right up to her and just flicking her in the ear (repayment for the damage she’s doing to mine).
  2. Body Odour… or B.O.
    There’s this thing called a shower. And there’s this other thing called DEE-OHH-DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-ANT. Yes deodorant/anti-perspirant. Does what it says on the tin. Oh, and it stops me from nearly keeling over when you choose the treadmill next to me and wave your arms around, rubbing your pits up a good-un and heating up that oh-so-pongy smell. Also stops the gym stinking for everyone else.
  3. Perfume is not a replacement for anti-perspirants and similarly it should not be worn as a disguise for body odours.
    As nice as the smell might be for you, perfume is a personal thing, and when it’s inflicted on someone by the bottle load it can bring on nausea. Or excessive sneezing. It’s not fun. This lesson should be taken into the world outside the gym too.
  4. This is not a zoo, and if it is, you’re in it too. Please do not stare.
    Very few people look good in the gym, with their screwy-up faces of agony, and sweat dripping from every pore in your entire body and I definitely fall into the ‘I-look-comedy-please-don’t-laugh-at-me’ category. Make-up does not withstand the work-out and neither does any spec of a decent hairstyle. I’m not buff, I’m not always entirely sure what I’m doing, I’m un-co and the last thing I need is some old man/young tradie/little lady or anyone else watching me while I go through this crazy activity. Please concentrate on what you’re doing and not what I’m doing, did your mother not teach you it’s rude to stare.
  5. And here is my pet gym hate. In a room FULL of lockers, I have chosen an aisle where 2 lockers are in use out of 15. One person has chosen one end and I have chosen the other end of the row. Sensible. I come back from my workout and the locker next to me is in use. NEXT TO ME. Remember I said there were 2 lockers out of about 15 in use in that ONE row of lockers. So, as well as being another 3 rows to choose from –there is probably one locker 2 or 3 down from me that is NOT taken and is still available. But no. And so what happens? I open my locker, and start to get changed, and pull my things out onto the bench. The lady in the locker next to me appears and we stand there in this ridiculously small space, no bigger than quarter the size of a phonebox, trying to deal with our belongings and get changed.
    ‘Sorry.’
    ‘Oh, sorry.’
    ‘Oh, sorry, I’ll just move my-‘
    ‘Sorry about that, I’ll just go-‘
    ARGH! It’s not effing necessary is it?! IS IT!?!? JUST MOVE DOWN THREE LOCKERS. OR GO TO THE OTHER ROW. OR BETTER YET, LEAVE THIS BLOODY GYM AND GO TO THE GYM OF STUPID WHERE YOU BELONG.
    And I am not exaggerating when I say this happens nearly every time I go. Which is at least once a week. This is too often. I mean COME ON!

And on that note, I have to dash, I’m late for Bodypump…

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3 thoughts on “The Five Rules of Gym Etiquette

  1. hahahahah this made me laugh SO much, nice to know it isnt just me who notices these things! My pet hate is when the people next to you constantly glance at what level your on!

    1. Thanks!! Eeek, I think I was guilty of that when I first started gyming – just to check I wasn’t being an utter weakling! But I promise I don’t do it anymore! haha! Glad to make you laugh 🙂 Also, am loving that you stopped by as I’ve now checked out your blog and have lots of new recipes to try – fantastic work, great pics! :

  2. Reblogged this on pocketdownunder and commented:

    These days I’m training outdoors and loving it and at first I thought outdoor training groups and in outdoor working out in general did not fall victim to as many etiquette fails but… alas I’m wrong. I revisited my earlier blog and reblogged it here with some new notes about training etiquette, a lá yours truly.
    Firstly there is the persistency of this ‘perfume’ cover-up. It’s horrendous when we have to smell the passing bin (waste disposal/garbage/trash) men or passing smokers during booty camp, but nearly as bad are those girls who come along coated in a layer of their fave eau du toilette. Whilst I am grateful not to smell any stinky B.O. it would be lovely if they’d just use deodorant like the rest of us. And less nauseating at 6am. There is a time and a place for perfume and it’s not when you’re having trouble breathing as it is.
    Then there’s the girl who THINKS she wants to do boot camp but actually just wants to buy a quick route to the perfect body without putting in the effort. You know the type – while the rest of us are slugging away at our 10 laps around the surf club (after we’ve just done 20 push ups, 999 burpees and a million squats) at whatever pace we can manage, it is hard to befriend the cheater who constantly does as few laps as she can get away with. It’s that one where you either lap her and then she finishes on the same lap as you (hmmm, funny that, I thought we were doing five laps not four) OR you notice that she cuts part of the route off to land up behind someone else she can hide behind and pretend she’s also done and dusted. Well, I guess she’s only cheating herself at the end of the day. But it’s frustrating when the rest of us are dying (literally) to make it – whatever fitness level we might be at. It’s like that person, whoever they are, is not playing as part of the team and that sucks.
    However, whilst I love being part of a group and feeling as though we’re all in the same boat, with roughly the same goals, and trying to smash it together, there are certain rules I think should be obeyed when it comes to training group “social” time. I find that I don’t need to have a conversation about what we’re doing when we’re doing it. I’m FINE with drink break chats, I LOVE the friends I’ve made and the little chats we have both at training and on the way home or outside of hours! What I don’t like is a LOUD running commentary about what we’re doing, or a pantomime style reaction to each and every additional set that our trainer adds onto the section: e.g. Trainer “Once you’ve done your three laps, you’re going to add on one minute of mountain climbers” Loudmouth “OH GODDDDDDDDDD!” A few minutes later, Trainer “Once you’ve finished that set its five laps around the oval.” Loudmouth “OOOOOOH [groaning] my LEGS, my MUSCLES, every part of me ACHES”. And this goes on… for the entire session. I wouldn’t mind the odd one, but sometimes for my zen [ha!] I need to focus and it’s just distracting. And annoying. We’re all feeling the pain and misery at that point but we’re trying to focus positive energy? Right? Well, if not, we’re at least trying to focus (through the sweat that is making our vision blurry).
    Maybe I’m being mean… but… it is what it is… For more on this subject read my previous post “The Five Rules of Gym Etiquette!”

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