It’s not much to ask.
But why is it, every time I go to the gym I find myself shaking my head due to one of these gym crimes being committed…
- The girl who comes to Pilates, stands there by her mat talking to her gymclass-pal, and uses the loudest (and might I say, most irritatingly nasal) voice to tell said friend the entire class about whatever it is that’s going on with her today. Normally this ranges from how she told the man in her life where to go (did he need telling?) or how she cannot decide whether to cut her fringe or not.
One. Step. Away… from walking right up to her and just flicking her in the ear (repayment for the damage she’s doing to mine).
- Body Odour… or B.O.
There’s this thing called a shower. And there’s this other thing called DEE-OHH-DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-ANT. Yes deodorant/anti-perspirant. Does what it says on the tin. Oh, and it stops me from nearly keeling over when you choose the treadmill next to me and wave your arms around, rubbing your pits up a good-un and heating up that oh-so-pongy smell. Also stops the gym stinking for everyone else.
- Perfume is not a replacement for anti-perspirants and similarly it should not be worn as a disguise for body odours.
As nice as the smell might be for you, perfume is a personal thing, and when it’s inflicted on someone by the bottle load it can bring on nausea. Or excessive sneezing. It’s not fun. This lesson should be taken into the world outside the gym too.
- This is not a zoo, and if it is, you’re in it too. Please do not stare.
Very few people look good in the gym, with their screwy-up faces of agony, and sweat dripping from every pore in your entire body and I definitely fall into the ‘I-look-comedy-please-don’t-laugh-at-me’ category. Make-up does not withstand the work-out and neither does any spec of a decent hairstyle. I’m not buff, I’m not always entirely sure what I’m doing, I’m un-co and the last thing I need is some old man/young tradie/little lady or anyone else watching me while I go through this crazy activity. Please concentrate on what you’re doing and not what I’m doing, did your mother not teach you it’s rude to stare.
- And here is my pet gym hate. In a room FULL of lockers, I have chosen an aisle where 2 lockers are in use out of 15. One person has chosen one end and I have chosen the other end of the row. Sensible. I come back from my workout and the locker next to me is in use. NEXT TO ME. Remember I said there were 2 lockers out of about 15 in use in that ONE row of lockers. So, as well as being another 3 rows to choose from –there is probably one locker 2 or 3 down from me that is NOT taken and is still available. But no. And so what happens? I open my locker, and start to get changed, and pull my things out onto the bench. The lady in the locker next to me appears and we stand there in this ridiculously small space, no bigger than quarter the size of a phonebox, trying to deal with our belongings and get changed.
‘Oh, sorry, I’ll just move my-‘
‘Sorry about that, I’ll just go-‘
ARGH! It’s not effing necessary is it?! IS IT!?!? JUST MOVE DOWN THREE LOCKERS. OR GO TO THE OTHER ROW. OR BETTER YET, LEAVE THIS BLOODY GYM AND GO TO THE GYM OF STUPID WHERE YOU BELONG.
And I am not exaggerating when I say this happens nearly every time I go. Which is at least once a week. This is too often. I mean COME ON!
And on that note, I have to dash, I’m late for Bodypump…