A few weeks back I started a blog about how I wasn’t sure what was going on with me that went something a bit like “I’m not sure quite what’s kicked it off or whether it’s just my mood, maybe hormones are playing havoc… I don’t know. All I know is, in the last few days I have started stressing and that it started with a little niggle”
Hormones? No… surely not?
Of course hormones you silly, pregnant woman.
Don’t they make everything that bit more… fun… ?
Back then (around 18 weeks) I was stressing about things like how it would be nice to feel the baby move and spent two days just obsessing over it and trying to feel something, and reading every online baby forum known to man.
And one night, just before I was about to hit the hay, I suddenly started measuring up for the cot. And then mildly panicking about the space for it. Two hours later and way past my usual sleep time (especially since being pregnant!) I had done a huge Google search. There I was… in bed, researching mini cots/mini cribs, looking up the pros and cons of bassinets, reading the blogs of first time parents in tiny New York apartments, studio flats and really winding myself into a frenzy.
I hate feeling disorganised and more than that I hate feeling as though I am under-prepared – that I don’t have what I need or think I might need available to me. It sends my ocd/control freak/perfectionist nature into overdrive.
So that evening led me to disturbed sleep and I awoke feeling dissatisfied and even more niggled. But it didn’t end there. The next day I started getting my knickers into an even tighter twist about all the other ‘baby’ stuff I still hadn’t sorted.
If you’ve ever had a baby in recent times then you probably know what’s coming when I mention the word PRAMS. Of all the overwhelming, ‘kill-me-now I can’t even make a decision about what’s the best mode of push-transport for my unborn child’ decisions this has to take the biscuit. Did you think choosing your house was hard? Picking a car? Well, try understanding the range of prams and strollers (buggies) available to new parents – and they range in price from a couple of hundred bucks to the celeb fanatacised brands on which you can choose to mortgage a portion of your house.
Is it just me or is it ever-so slightly ridiculous to throw well-on-the-way to $2000 at a (often ugly looking) non-motorised device that you’re going to lug your child and shopping around in? Not to mention that a child is going to spew in, that is going to roll through dog poop, murky puddles and probably some carelessly disposed of chewing gum. I mean, yes, your child must be safe and comfortable. And yes, you want to be able to get around the supermarket without losing your shit as you knock over the display of tuna tins. But… seriously? I didn’t even know what I was going to want because I haven’t had a child yet, so I can’t possibly understand the things that are going to work for me and my baby and those that are not. I can guess that I might want to run with my pram. I can presume that I want the handle adjustable so Mr OC can share the pushing. But man-oh-man, is my child going to prefer to face me or not… well, shall I shout down into my uterus now and see if I can get one kick for no two for yes?!
In the end I was rescued by my lovely (also pregnant and due any day now) friend Sarah and we went ‘baby stuff shopping’. This helped so much. I was able to actually look at and play with a whole bunch of prams and very quickly narrowed it down to two favourites within my budget. I got the assistant to show me the ins and outs of both and left to mull it over. A couple of weeks later and one went on sale – I ordered it and hey presto one decision/problem/task down.
Since that day, the majority of the time I’m not letting things overwhelm me. I have actually been enjoying my pregnancy so much and feel very lucky to have had limited discomfort so far, and no complications. Hormones do play a huge part in these things – and there’s a blog to follow on that… but overall, I’ve come to just do as I would do with everything that seems overwhelming and take it a day at a time doing as much as I can.
And it’s funny how if you just calm down and let things be, stuff has a way of working itself out.
Oddly enough, in the recent weeks we have ended up with more space in our flat as my stepdaughter moved back to NZ to finish schooling there. And I have a husband who is now working a new job that has much better hours meaning he’s around to help out and to get jobs done around the house (and talk me through decisions and thought processes). Both these things have made small but significant differences to prepping for this change in our life. However the biggest adjustment is attitude – I can honestly say, even when my legs ankles and feet have swollen so much they’ve merged into one, and when my back is sore and I am lying awake at night for no reason (pregnancy insomnia) listening to an incessant owl outside the window… that I am loving every minute of this amazing experience. I feel extremely lucky and extremely happy, and sometimes I’m not sure what I did to deserve such a gift.