This morning I was in the shower and I was listening to my music – John Mayer came on and I was singing away. I can’t really be sure why I was in such a good mood on a Monday morning but let’s put it down to Mondays now being pretty bearable thanks to Game of Thrones!
Anyways so here’s the scene.
Me singing out loud: “Your body is a wonderlannnd”
Voice in my head: “Like the Tellytubbies planet”.
Thanks internal feelings. I realise I currently resemble La-La or her beloved house but it’d be nice to at least pretend I still feel sexy.
But other than that… (and the increasing heartburn, cankles and insomnia) I am feeling pretty alright at 30 weeks. Mostly I just love that I can feel little girl OC moving around so much of the time. It really does make me feel great -especially in those moments when I might be stressing about something and then all of a sudden she just launches into a parade of prods, nudges and thumps… it takes my mind to her and away from the crap, and I get my moment with her. What could be better? And even better if Mr OC gets to see or feel it too. I love it when he can see or feel the belly going crazy and get that time to bond with his girl too.
I often find myself daydreaming about what she is up to in there. Why is it we don’t get to remember what it’s like in the womb? It strikes me that we spend a lot of time as mums and dads (to-be) trying to guess what our babies are doing to while away the time in there, and trying to imagine how it feels and sounds. At the moment my daughter’s existence is as mysterious as Donald Trump’s elective victories. You know there are things changing, you are reading the articles, seeing the pictures (or ultrasounds in Jellybean’s case) but you just can’t believe it’s real. I know Donald Trump is getting wins as well as I know that my daughter is kicking my insides right now. In the same way I cannot bring myself to believe America is dumb enough to elect this guy to the top, the same goes with my little girl – until she is actually here in front of me I find it so hard to believe that this tiny human is real. I won’t really know her and won’t be able hold her until she is born. And while I can quite happily put off ever seeing the day Trump becomes president, I simply can’t wait to hold my girl in my arms and look into her eyes.
If it’s been a little while since she last elbowed me then I start to miss her and I find myself wondering how I’m going to feel when she is not in my tummy anymore. That is physically the closest you can be to a human. We are literally attached and she lives as I live. She is always there. How do you get back to normal after that ends? I’m guessing by being thrown into chaotic life of caring for a newborn who takes up every minute of your day.
But for now, for the first time in my life, I’m never alone. How lucky am I?
So sure, I might have noticed this morning that my thighs now rub together when I walk, but heck… I honestly don’t care. Because our little girl is in my tummy.