Making it through the final stretch

Yippeeee  – I’m on maternity leave at last!!

So, lots of other mummas at this stage are fully launched into nesting (if they haven’t given birth already!) – me? I’m quite happy letting my husband and mum do the housework for me.

It’s an odd thing with me, the less I do, the less I actually feel like doing. Convincing myself to be productive is a hard task at the moment. Which is so strange for me – I don’t really DO lazy. But I’d say I’m bordering couch potato at the moment.

It doesn’t help that one way to motivate myself is exercise but even a 10 minute stroll (at a ridiculously snail like pace) is causing me grief.

Yet, it’s not like I’ve achieved nothing as I come to the end of my first week of maternity leave – I’ve caught up with several friends, baked muffins and brownies, cooked up soup and casserole, cleaned the house, kept up with the laundry, done the grocery shopping, and been to Centrelink – to name but a few things. I even had  a cold for a few days! But, there’s also been a lot of tv watching and several lay-ins… I’ve definitely been making sure I get the rest everyone keeps telling me I should be getting.

And, of course, everyone tells you to make the most of it. And I’m sure trying to, but when you can’t go too far or do too much that can be a little limiting. I guess I should make the most of being a couch potato – THAT I can do.

bladder

You hear a lot of full term mummas bemoaning pregnancy and saying “I’m so over being pregnant”. I kind of feel that. But I’m not ‘over it’ per se… it’s more that I am over looking at myself in the mirror with this body. I’m over the fact that my body is not my own – it leaks, and it hurts, and trying to get comfortable is a marathon task. Not to mention getting out of horizontal position.

roll over

I’m over the 2 or 3 outfits I’m limited to. I’m over feeling so frumpy I might as well wear a big brown sack. I am over not being able to reach my bikini line, legs or toes. And I’m over not even being able to go out for a walk to feel a bit less like a giant lump – I can barely get to the top of my steep drive without having a small heart attack. And if I pushed through it and did an entire walk – even if it was a ten minute one round the block – I’d be sore for a day afterwards.

Honestly, just doing the cleaning yesterday for a couple of hours I had such sore glutes for the rest of the day and over night that it was reminiscent of a big squat session at boot camp! If only, it worked to reduce the size of my arse, which is currently big enough to have its own postcode.

But I’m not OVER the pregnancy – I love being pregnant. I feel like I’m wearing a badge of honour and I just love the incredible feeling of having my little girl squirming and kicking away in my belly. It’s just so precious.

And I love how I feel a heck of lot freer to eat to my heart’s content. Slightly ignoring the fact that I am now akin to a woolly mammoth.

food

I don’t like the fact I just can’t bring myself to drink that glass of delicious Pinot Noir.

Ahhh, pregnancy… maybe it’s time for you to be done.

But you know what else? The closer it looms to my due date (now 6 days away) the more I know that the inevitable (i.e.getting this small human out of my body) is going to happen any day… Let me just say that again. Any. Freakin’. Day.

Oh shit.

Am I ready for this?! I’m ready for being a mum…  as I can be… I’m well aware it’s going to be a shock to the system and turn my world upside down in a most stupendous, sleep-deprived, lose-my-mind kind of way. And up until a few days ago I didn’t think I was too worried about the actual birth. I’ve always known it was a scary but inevitable part of the whole process, and in some ways I think I wanted to prepare for it and look on it as something life-altering, maybe the hardest thing I’ve done, but ultimately something that I would be so proud and glad to have experienced by the end, when our little girl is finally with us.

But now, I’m kind of feeling trepidation. The more that I wait for the birth to come, the more I dwell on it – because there’s now nothing else between me and it. My mum arrived in Australia yesterday and it’s so great having her here. But that means that there are no more ‘occasions’ to be had prior to baby girl coming into this world. She can actually come now and I’m so very keen to just have her here. If only I could do it without having to go through childbirth!

I really don’t want to feel that way about it either – I said I wouldn’t. I always wanted to greet it as a challenge to be overcome, a mountain to climb and then say “I did that!” So I want to get out of that headspace and into the bring it ON headspace.

One thing I know for sure. I HATE waiting. Whether it’s waiting for something you want, or something you are unsure of… it’s waiting… and I can’t stand it!

39 weeks

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